Sunday, August 10, 2014

Claims Department

The Rise and Fall of Fortune

I confess. It has been 6 months since my last blog post. And what a six months. The fortunes of my heart have been rising and falling with equal vertigo inducement as my financial and creative affairs and at the same time I am full to bursting with gratitude, contentment and a sense of belonging I have not felt in a place and among people in far too long. So the good news is Vermont, even under less than ideal circumstances, was, is and ever shall be home. The really good news is that you have been spared six months of posts following the arc of my hopes and disappointments in just about everything I am doing here.

Prospect 
 
In every aspect of life, limbo is hell to me.  If I were to die and find myself in limbo I will know I was a really really bad person worthy of merciless eternal torment. Bring on the active conflict and challenge, the messier and scarier the better. Give me an opening, an opportunity, a prospect, something to argue, defend, work with, around or through to a happy outcome, to any outcome, just let me roll up my mental and emotional sleeves and have at it. Silence, endless waiting and passive speculation in the void are not my comfort zone. But I have been in that zone more often than not, and way more than I care to be this year. 

You do the Math

I won’t even mention money and artmaking. Today it’s about love. One of the themes as I look back on a particularly nasty sequence of false start or outright failed love affairs that has dominated this year was that I was neither being claimed nor rejected by the man in question.  The trouble is, some men clam up recede or vanish simply because they are busy and clueless and some because they have already rejected you in their mind and just forgot or are too cowardly to share this information with you, or if they do, do it in an indirect “you do the math” kinda way.  As I discovered last year, sometimes the only way to find out your relationship has ended is when your maybe ex, or maybe never was, changes his Facebook status.

 Gone for the Day

I suppose the one benefit to being romantically limboed is that at a certain point you stop waiting for your heart to be claimed, like a lost bag in an airport terminal, and you claim the bag yourself.  So, here I am as the end of summer approaches, having put up the “gone for the day” sign and slipped out the back door of the claims department to see what exactly is in this heart that no one has any interest in taking home but myself.

Lighthearted

First thing I noticed was how easy my heart is to open. It doesn’t even have a lock on it, no complicated closures, and while it looks really well traveled and often repaired, on the whole still strong and flexible. Like you could drop it from a great height and it would bounce back upright, knock it around and it would keep its shape.  It looks to have once been dark in color but has lightened up over the years, due to hours sitting in the sun. Some areas are transparent, so you can see exactly what it contains. There are no secret compartments. It is packed neatly with many essential and unique things of neither grand nor negligible value, but there is still room to hold more in some expandable places that have not seen much use but are still functional.  As full as it is, it's not heavy at all. Not much to look at, easily overlooked in fact, hence it's being so long stranded in the lost and found, but this heart has gone places, and still has places to go, in the right hands.

So I am bringing it back to the claims department.  Because, who knows?

The Trio is Complete

Thanks for reading, whoever is still out there in Blogland. Stay tuned for a new post in sooner than 6 months that deals with some things I actually have reclaimed for myself – my photography and fiber projects! And hey, I guess I am writing again, so the creative trio is complete. And now you can try to figure out which goat is words, which one is images and which one alpaca accessories! Til next time, be well, be kind, be happy.

8 comments:

  1. How lovely to see you in my reader this morning. As I wander past the images of yours that grace (and beautify) my home I have often wondered how you were.
    And it seems that you are coming home - to yourself. Creativity in some form is integral to you, and to be reclaiming photography, fibre and words is a very positive - and powerful step.
    Welcome back - you have been missed.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have been wondering about you as well, EC, though I have no excuse as I am sure you've been posting all this time I have been absent from the Blogisphere! Hope all is well with you. It means so much to know that my work hangs in your home. Where my creations end up, into whose hands and hearts is so much more important than any monetary or worldly reward! It's been a long challenging summer but now that I am writing, and shooting, and sketching out plans for new fiber pieces, things feel a lot more found and a lot less lost,whatever the vagaries of my love life. Thanks so much for being here ready to greet me after such a long absence! Best to you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi TT (G) - good to see you sharing art. The words that brought a little smile to my face were that you were reclaiming your fibre and photography - go well and may they bring lightness to your heart and soul. B

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Barry, thanks for posting a comment here! I feel I have entirely abandoned Blogger in favor of Facebook lately. I have a little shipment of fiber arriving this very day, so the reclaiming of my crochet activities is indeed imminent and will be well documented on all social media platforms! Also have more film to shoot this weekend, so let the fun begin! Go well, you!

      Delete
  4. I take big exits too, and it seems we have been going through much the same thing, relationship-wise. I absolutely love how you've expressed it here. It spoke to my confused grief.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well hello there Kass! Sorry to hear you have been on a parallel course but glad I could offer some sort of comfort, even of the misery-loves-company variety. Hope you are well, you know, other than the unclaimed heart thing...

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Thanks for reading! Wish I could say things have changed since this post, but my heart has been limboed a few more times in the past few months! May my next long-awaited installment of the Perils of Gabriella have better news...

      Delete